HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNGREATFUL WILLA

Ungreatful Willa


yesterday was My Willa's birthday and being a sentimentalist I wanted to give her a birthday with no limits and one to remember. Here is what I did.


First of all I deliberately let her ''sleep in'' until after seven oclock and I actually got up and turned on the coffee without any help from her. At seven fifteen I gently woke her and asked where she had put the sugar bowl because I needed sugar in my coffee. She mumbled something about ''look in the upper cabinet'' and rolled over and went back to sleep. I looked in the cabinet as instructed and found the sugar bowl but it was almost completely empty so I went back to the bedroom and woke her again and asked where the sack of sugar could be found. She said to look in the cabinet over where she sits and there would be a container of sugar with a tight lid on it to keep out ants. I went back to the kitchen and opened the cabinet and fished around for the sugar container and kinda accidentally spilled one of those round tubes of Quaker oats out on her seat and I said ''Shux''. I scooped up the oatmeal with my hand and dumped it back in the oatmeal box and continued to look for the sugar. I heard Willa mumbling in the bed room asking if I had found the sugar yet. ''Not yet darling, you go back to sleep because it is your SPECIAL DAY''. I finally found the sugar container behind a large jar of jelly and when I pulled out the sugar, I pulled out the jelly also and it, the jelly hit the table and broke the container in about twenty pieces. I said ''Shux'' again and got out some paper towels and mopped up the jelly off the table and in process I kinda, sorta spilled the sugar on the table also because the lid was on the container crooked and was not properly sealed and when I jerked the lid off the container it kinda ''snowed'' sugar everywhere and I said ''Shux'' again. Willa said that if I would just stop, she would get up and get me the sugar for my coffee before I destroyed the kitchen. Again I told her that this was her SPECIAL DAY and I wanted it to be memorable for her. She got up and stumbled into the kitchen and stepped on a small piece of glass and cut her foot a little. We got the bleeding stopped and I put a band aid on her foot and moped the floor to get up any glass I may have missed from the jelly jar breaking. I asked if I could fix her a nice hot cup of coffee and she said ''NO'', she would fix it herself because she was afraid I would drop the coffee pot. She fixed her a cup of coffee and sat down on her side of the table and made the comment that she felt like she was sitting on oatmeal. It seems that I was not very vigilant in getting all the oatmeal off her cushion. As we sat and drank our coffee I told her about the wonderful day I had planned for her.
First. Breakfast at McDonalds. I would get her a big breakfast with coffee, juice, eggs, sausage, grits and one of those little ''brick things'' they call Hash browns. I told her that since both of us were kinda on a diet that I would help her eat this big breakfast because I didn't want her getting too many calories and we were on kinda of a limited budget. She was totally underwhelmed at that idea.
Second. Off to the super flee market over on I-95 for shopping and gift buying for her. We would go over there and she would be free to just '' look around'' and pick out anything her little heart desired. (I am such a generous fellow) I reminded her that there was an ''Imitation Zircon'' booth that also sold fake gold chains where she could just shop to her hearts content and just pick out WHAT EVER SHE WANTED (with a limit of ten dollars of course) and I would front for the money.
Three. Then it would be off to the ''One Dollar Store'' where she could just ''Go Wild'' roaming the isles with her little buggy buying paper tape, clothes pins, spray paint, dented cans of veggies and all the things she would enjoy on her SPECIAL DAY.
Four. Next, it would be Lunch at ''Freds Funnel Cake Shop'' and she could have any kind of funnel cake she wanted and a Giant Rasberry Slurpie to wash it down with.
Five. Next it would be off to the movies for entertainment and pop corn. I had found a theater that offered a ''two for one'' deal for senior citizens that featured 20 cartoons, two complete chapters of ''Bullet Head Man'' and an edited version of Gone With the Wind that was 45 minutes long.
Six........ After the movie it would be a fabulous Dinner at ''Uncle Buckles Foot Long Hot Dog Stand'' for one of his wonderful ''Foot Longs'' with all the trimmings and a shared Coke between us.
Seven..... After the sumptuous dinner we would head back to the coach and I would give her something that would really make her happy. She smiled a crooked smile and said not to tell her please because she didn't think her heart could stand any more fun and excitement in one day and she got up and went back to the bedroom and slammed the door.


Hummmmmmmm???


Is it me or do I just not understand women?